Really? Ordinarily I’d say they’re kidding, but I have to keep reminding myself they’re not. I’m actually a fan of Pre-Check in its pure form; that is, expedited screening for no-threat persons with background checks. However, the recent kerfuffle has been about TSA randomly shifting non-enrolled persons into the fast lanes when they’re being under-utilized. I hope enrollment improves; that’s the point of the program, and lately I’ve seen literally many dozens of “news” clips about a Pre-check enrollment facility “opening near you.” And there’s the rub. Having announced they are scaling back random selections (the announcements never mention the reasons: paying customers have raised a justifiable stink, and random exclusion from proper screening is lousy security – either you’re in the security business or not). They are now trying to boost their numbers by setting up recruitment stations in the strangest places: inside a Tennessee UPS store, an Illinois chiropractic and acupuncture clinic, a Nebraska blood-testing facility for hazmat drivers, and a West Virginia Mall where the sign says it’s “between the Burger King and Krispy Kreme”, just past the Mattress Warehouse. Points for originality and community outreach, guys, but are you really going to find enough frequent fliers at the Piggly Wiggly to justify this use of federal funds to flush them out of the dark corners of America? Here’s an idea: you already have offices, employees and communications capabilities at all 460-plus US airports – where airline passengers actually show up every day, just begging for a way to make the lines to go faster.
Ok, now you’re in line – for purposes of the next item, it doesn’t matter which line. You thought you were relatively safe from any threat, right? Maybe not. What’s the dirtiest part of your otherwise delightful travel experience? Maybe not what you thought. Everybody’s first guess is the lavatory, and while it’s usually pretty high on the list, the #1 winner is the plastic bins at the checkpoint – and sorry to say, it’s mostly your fault, although I must add that I have never seen a TSA agent wiping them down. NBC’s Today Show actually had sample swabs tested by microbiologists – different airports nationwide; when you dump in your comfortable travel sneakers, your bags that have been dragged across airport terminal floors in six countries, and your seat-mate’s outer clothing just back from his African safari and train ride through e-bola territory, where everybody coughed on everybody else (and those little buggers can live for days) , there may be little gifts happy to hitch a ride to wherever you are headed.
Next on the list where the highest level of germs was found: tray tables – where you eat! - and seat belts. Not everybody uses the bathroom, but everybody who does also sits in a seat with a tray table, and is commanded to handle the seat belt. I refuse to say more, other than noting that industrial strength Handi-Wipes has just gone on my carry-on checklist.
Finally, a quick and somewhat personal jump into the fray over the so-called knee-defender, a device that allows you to block the seat in front of you from reclining into your lap, or your face. It’s not a security issue until the fist fights begin, which happened three times in recent weeks, causing diversions. The issue: you paid for a seat that reclines. I stand 6’8” tall, and I paid for the last seat available with very limited space in front of me, and one that will not injure me, especially when you bounce it 3 or 4 times trying to force it to go back... I have experienced blood before. The airline has, in effect, sold that same space twice, and I had it first. No arguments, please, that I should move or pay extra; there aren’t any more, and there are other seats that don’t recline at exit rows and at the rear. So who has dibs?
